Son of Svengoolie and the Past

“The monster's loose…

And now you know the truth.

Tell me can you feel it;

As you hit the wall.

The monster’s loose…

And now you have to choose.

And prove you can take it;

To the top before you fall.”

--Meatloaf, “The Monster Is Loose,” 2006.



I just picked up and started reading this unique book by Ted Okuda and Mak Yurkiw called From Shock Theatre to Svengoolie which I recommend for anyone who was a kid in the 1970s growing up in the Chicago Television channels zone.

This classic book covers my favorite shows as a kid—Creature Features from WGN, Screaming Yellow Theatre from WFLD, and Monster Rally on Channel 44. I always wondered how they obtained these cheesy movies and this book explains the marketing and package deals that the TV Stations had. They could buy the films, create a “host” of horror, and interject comedy bits. I mean, even as a kid, I wondered how they grabbed these lousy horror movies from Paraguay or someplace like that.

Chicago had some unique hosts with Jerry G. Bishop as the original Svengoolie on Screaming Yellow Theater; followed by Ron Sweed as The Ghoul, followed by Rich Koz as Son of Svengoolie (which frankly is the one I best remember).



Channel 44 did not have a host they just showed the cheapest of these movies and would throw in some Santos or Mil Mascaras movie from the 1960s.

All channels had some weird films, but Creature Features had the Universal Horror films (usually sectioned off for two hours with bits, gags, and if I remember correctly—lots and lots of commercials). When I went to ISU, the local NBC channel would show Monster Mash Saturdays at Midnight. No host, just a classic horror film with lots and lots of commercials in which the song “Monster Mash” would intersect into the film.

One of the great things about this book is that there are lists of the movies the various channels showed. For example Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein (honestly that movie scared me to death as a kid); The Alligator People; Attack of the Crab People; Attack of the Puppet People (also scared the crap out of me); all of the Hammer Dracula movies; All of the Universal (Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff) movies, all of the Toho (Godzilla, Mothra and the like) horror films; The Black Cat; Incredible Shrinking Man; It Came From Outer Space; I Married A Monster From Outer Space (insert favorite ironic joke here); I was a Teenage (Werewolf, Frankenstein) Whatever; Night of the Living Dead; Samson vs. The Vampire Women (a Santos Wrestling movie); Starman; White Zombie (still in my opinion among the best horror films ever); and so many more.

This book also contains references to the films, magazines and books about the films, and tons of internet sites for the readers to visit.

I have included a few YouTubes for the fans of the shows. Enjoy. I forgot how corny and yet hilarious the stuff was.

Hey, Hester Answered My Question: How Cool!

“Flash a-ah
Savior of the Universe
Flash
He save everyone of us
Flash
He's a miracle
Flash
King of the impossible
He's for everyone of us
Stand for everyone of us
He save with a mighty hand
Every man every woman
Every chill-he's a mighty
Flash
Just a man
With a man's courage
Nothing but a man
But he can never fail
No-one but the pure at heart
May find the Golden Grail…”

--Freddie Mercury of Queen from the Flash Gordon Soundtrack.



On a whim, I wrote to the Chicago Bears Official Site to see if they would print my question to Devin Hester.

This is a trick to a degree, because I write once every few weeks and Larry Meyer (the official blog writer) never answers my questions because I do not believe in vanilla questions with an obvious pro-Bear answer. Let’s face it; they let many people down this year with the expectations falling way short. Needless to say, I was surprised they printed my question due to my more than cynical questions of the past.

Here it is with “Oh Thank Heaven for” Devin’s answer.

21. What advice would you give a rookie in terms of dealing with the media and fame?
--Eric S.Normal, Illinois
Answer: “You’ve got to stay levelheaded. And the biggest thing is never be negative. You’ve always got to be positive.”

Ok, not groundbreaking on question or answer, but still very cool. I also sent him some advice on how to run back kicks and catch the ball; but that’s private stuff between us two new pals.

The rest of the questions and the answers can be found here:
http://www.chicagobears.com/news/NewsStory.asp?story_id=4502

Have a Great Season, Mr. Hester. The Chicago Bear Fans NEED You.

Some Things Are Just Unfair

“Well, you've got me dancing in a figure of eight

Don't know if I'm coming or going

I'm early or late.

Round and round the ring I go

I want to know

I want to know:
Why can't we travel a continious line?

Make a love a reliable covenant all the time.

Up and down the hills I go

I got to knowI got to know.
Is it better to love one another

Than to go for a walk in the dark?

Is it better to love than to give in to hate?”

--Sir Paul McCartney from the song “Figure of Eight” from the album Flowers In The Dirt, 1990.

An Open Letter To Heather Mills (formerly) McCartney:

Dear Crazy Woman,

How dare you assume any money from Paul’s estate that he did not earn in your marriage. Trust me, by his last three relatively worthless albums, he did not earn 50 million dollars during your time together--let alone the 100 million he would have to have earned to give you half.

So you got some easy money. I mean, what the hell, roll over on your back and there you go.

And you have to admit, you have done nothing in your career to award that kind of money. I give you credit for a gutsy performance during dancing with the stars, but you were anything but elegant.

Oh how I wish you could explain to me the manner that you earned that money. Oh and I saw the internet pictures. Kind of boring if you want my opinion and they were a bit weak considering they are twenty years old. Nice 80's hair--and yes, you are a natural blonde.

You are so despicable, you make us Beatle fans think Yoko Ono really is not so bad after all.

So Gold-digger, rest assured that the world pretty much agrees with me that you are a free-loafing opportunist. You are also a mean-spirited wench who deserves nothing.

Plus, you have become quite ugly. I mean the outfit you wore in court? Did you make it yourself or find it on a discount rack at Wal-Mart. You look like a cheesy clown.

I give some (and I mean just some) of the blame to Paul for thinking with the wrong head.

Go home, Heather, count your money, but don’t bother counting your faults. You simply do not have enough digits to count them all. Oh, and take that last one any way you wish—because as mean as I may seem, you are a downright villain.

I have some lyrics for Paul’s next ballad about you. I wonder if he can come up with some words that describe you that rhyme with snitch, store, and bunt. I bet he can!

St. Patrick's Day

“Give Ireland back to the Irish

Don't make them have to take it away

Give Ireland back to the Irish

Make Ireland irish today

Great Britian you are tremendous

And nobody knows like me

But really what are you doin'

In the land across the sea”
--Sir Paul McCartney “Give Ireland Back To The Irish.”



As far as I know, I am not IRISH. One of my Dad’s brother’s daughter took up writing a family history from her father and found the possibility of some Irish heritage.

Me, I doubt there is much. No red hair, no freckles, no want of complete fighting and chaotic drunken gibberish exist in the family. Ok, not the first two, but the others maybe.

So Happy St. Patty’s day. Erin Go Braugh (less).

Thinking about this day, why not give all ethnic folks in my background a day? We could have a Croatian day where everyone eats Kidney Hearts and drinks wine.

We could have a German day where everyone eats sausage and drinks wheat beer. You know, in retrospect, since Germany has the largest population, why not have a day? Oh, I know, Oktoberfest is usually about a week. I should not whine.

An Italian Day would be nice where everyone drinks wine and has pasta. Granted we have Columbus Day, but was he a true Italian and do we celebrate it with cultural food? Usually it is celebrated with car sales and down pricing at local stores.

This St. Patrick’s Day, I will celebrate as I do every year—I will do nothing, except maybe have a pint of Guinness (a beer made in London, from what I am told).

Wishing all of you the luck of the Green and hoping Notre Dame’s basketball team is better than their football team this season.

Bears, Favre, And A Prediction

“Play the game;
Play the game
Everybody, play the game…”
--Freddy Mercury of Queen.





I am sitting here with Chumley the thirty-pound cat sitting at my feet, Guinness the Bold Maine Coon wandering about somewhere, and Foggy hiding from Guinness, and thinking about football.

The Bears have made some interesting moves this week.

First they let Bernard Berrian go to the Vikings for what I consider way too much money. I love Berrian, make no mistake, but $47 Million or whatever nutty fee, is much too much.

So what do the Bears do? Hours after Bernard signs with their division rivals, the Bears up the ante on Lance Briggs (a more proven player) and lock him in for the next six years.

Personally, I retract my statement from last summer and reiterate my statement from the Fall/Winter and praise the Bears for resigning him. Great move, as Briggs will shore up the defense for many more years.

With losing the best and starting receiving corps in Muhammad and Berrian, the Bears go out and snag a very cheap Marty Booker. In fairness to the Bears, they end up grabbing Adewale Ogunleye in a trade for Marty Booker and then retain Marty Booker four years later (still the most productive receiver for the Dolphins) and lose Mushin Muhammad who sucked eggs last year. It is more than clear that the Bears need a wide-out, but this could be so much worse.

Add to the mix, Brett Favre has retired, saving the Bears from a drubbing each season (although the last few he has looked weaker) and the Bears seem like a team that will be in the hunt in a year or so.

I predict that the Monsters of the Midway will be a defensive juggernaut this season, acquire a few offensive lineman which will make Benson better, develop some talent at the skill positions of wide receiver and quarterback (and even though I like Grossman, I assume Orton will start by midseason), and be a factor in the division. Then the year after, look out, as the Bears go to the Super Bowl and win it all.

Even though the experts at Yahoo disagree, I think the Bears have made some moves for the future and will be competitive in the here and now.

The Morning Ritual

“Good morning good morning

good morning good morning

good morning, a

Nothing to do to save his life call his wife in

Nothing say but what a day how's your boy been

Nothing to do, it's up to you

I've got noting to say but it's O.K.”

--John Lennon—“Good Morning” from the album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967.



Cereal Knowledge is a great thing.

In my youth, I would literally eat half of a box of Cocoa Puffs while tormenting my older sister every morning. I awoke at the crack of dawn, like my father before me and proceed down to the kitchen to eat cereal with a big stack of comic books. My favorites cereals were Cocoa Puffs, Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries, Fruit Loops and Apple Jacks.

Now if it seems my mother was not too cautious about nutrition for the kids, one must remember that we all ate disgusting crap in the 1970s. So that said, leave Mom alone.

Karen hated waking up when I did. I would talk incessantly to her, and she would consistently tell me to be quiet. Karen would never admit to being a morning person. Strangely, I never remember Mark being at breakfast. He must have been sleeping.

I was too much like my father, as I believe sleep is for fools. There is too much to do during the waking hours to take one’s time by sleeping it off. I still feel this way, as does dear old Dad.

If one was to give their kids sugar-filled cereal, one must obviously love their child and hate the school district. I mean, I was a hyper kid to begin with: adding sugar to mix was downright cruel.

If one gave their children “healthy cereals,” one was kidding one’s self. My folks tried that oatmeal crap only to realize I was a lost cause. How could anyone eat that vomit?

Parents who love their children gave them the sugary garbage that sustained them through the day. Most notable of these cereals include the fore-mentioned Cocoa Puffs, Captain Crunch (all varieties), Apple Jacks, Fruit Loops, Super Sugar Crisp, Honey Combs, Quisp (a personal favorite) Quakes (later called King Vitamin) and the king of cereals: Frosted Flakes. Top it off with a Pop Tart (Brown Sugar and Cinnamon) and every kid was in heaven.

Added to the sugar high, the kids were given cool toys and trinkets.

Life was so much better then.