My Kinda Brave Face...Needs To Be More Brave

“My Brave Face…
I’ve been living in style,
Unaccustomed as I am;
I’ve been hitting the town;
And it didn’t hit back.”

--Sir Paul McCartney and Elvis Costello from the song "My Brave Face" from the album Flowers In The Dirt 1990.

Week two since the stroke is over.

I went to the Award Night at the school to present a Social Science award to six dynamic kids. All went well.

This weekend I began to feel like my old self.

This Tuesday, I see Dr. Dick the neurologist (Probably better for him if he was urologist, but we have one in town named Dr. Leeky—no joke). I should send Guinness to see him.

Hopefully on Tuesday I will be free to drive and plan to be back to work by the end of the year. That would be fabulous.

It might also ease some burden on Jen. Jen is pictured above from a nice shot Mark took. She is so cute. She has that wry smile because she abandoned all of my high carb foods, which essentially means everything I used to eat.

Perhaps it was the drugs, the boredom, or the stroke itself this week, but I grew quite despondent about people I expected to send a note or call or something; and nothing occurred. Kind of bugged me, as some were from work, some relatives, and the like; but I then figured everyone has their own lives, and I should not be their focal point. And amazingly, I had an epiphany of sorts from Mark and Karen and Jen and my good friend Milt and my good friend Mick and others. What matter is how you respond? Mick reminded me that:

"Get Busy Living!" That doesn't mean live like you were dying; it means to enjoy each day each moment for what it is. We spend so much time dwelling on the negative; we forget to see all of the light that's out there.Eric, you still have a lot to give. Keep giving! You have a lot to live for. Keep living! No matter what others may think, feel, or say, you know that today is better than yesterday; tomorrow will be better than today. Values you have; use them to make your life better.Refuse to give people the satisfaction of thinking that you are defeated. Never, ever, ever, ever give up!”

Which was great advice. Karen told me how amazed she was all the former students who were concerned on Facebook and the like. “Lots of people love you, be appreciative.”

Mark reminded me that we cannot change how people feel and the best thing is not let them bring us down. If we do, we basically harm ourselves.

Jen reminded me, that I was incredibly lucky. Worry about what you do have going for you, do not worry about what you cannot control.

I really do not relish looking behind my shoulder wondering when the next stroke hits, so I moved to a low to no carbs diet; no beer; and hopefully more positive thinking. Depression is often accompanied by a stroke, but I will see someone, based on Dr. Dick’s approval/recommendation, and work it out.

The lines to one of my all time favorite Dave Edmunds songs, goes like this:

“I’m gonna start living again, if it kills me;
If it’s the very last thing I do…”

Seems like a decent philosophy. I mean some of my heroes made it back from their hard times: Superman died, Spider-Man lost the love of his life because someone knew his identity, Batman lost his parents, Green Lantern died, Green arrow died, Flash was trapped in time; Captain America died.

In the real world Walter Payton, the fittest man ever died; my friend Jerry (whom I worked with) passed away; I have friends who have survived cancer; one of the women I dated had her former husband hold a knife to her throat; I know people who have gone through Alzheimer’s cancer, heart attacks, and strokes themselves and all made it. They had courage and lived life to the fullest after their incidents. I want to be that example for Jen, my students, my family, my friends, other victims of stroke and heart disease; but probably most for my toughest critic, myself. I do not think that is selfish, I plan on being more forgiving and less annoying and less annoyed in the time I have left. I plan on being healthier as well.

Last night, while waiting for Jen to come by after work, I went out on the front porch, opened the door, and sniffed the air. It felt and smelled good. I noticed it and thought about good fortune and that there is a plan for me. I finally think that there is a/the Holy Spirit within me after all.