Do The Clothes Make The Man?

“Don’t want to be a fat man,

People would think that I was

Just good fun.”

--Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull from the song "Fat Man" from the album Stand Up, 1970.

I had yet another reminder I need to lose weight this week.

I was deciding on a suit coat to wear the other night when I took Jen out for Valentine’s Day. I have two black ones and one needs to be cleaned. Essentially, and when I am in a hurry, they both look somewhat the same, so I checked the label before I put it on.

To my surprise, the label insulted me.

It read: “48L” skipped a line, and then it said in plain English “portly.”

“Portly?”

Since when does one’s clothes decide to insult the owner?

I felt like Wimpy from Popeye. He’s portly.

I always think of portly people as short, squatty guys wearing derbies or little hats with moustaches.

Yep, Wimpy is the best image I can think of. “I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” I wonder what job Wimpy had where he was always paid on a Tuesday or a Monday evening. Obviously the job was for a “portly” fellow.

I looked up portly and found this definition at Webster online:

Main Entry:
port·ly
Pronunciation:
\ˈpȯrt-lē\
Function:
adjective
Inflected Form(s):
port·li·er; port·li·est
Etymology:
3port
Date:
15th century
1 : dignified , stately 2 : heavy or rotund of body : stout

Just before the definition was an ad for “portly” suit coats that were 72 L to 58L.

No 48L’s, huh?

Now I will take dignified and stately and I love a good stout beer, but heavy or rotund of body? Nah, I don’t think so.

As Jen told me, I do not need to lose weight as much as I need to “empty the keg on my belly.”

I am not sure if that is better than portly, just for the record.