If The Animals Could Talk

"I'm able to see things, things that I don't wanna see,
The lies of a thousand souls weigh heavy down on me..."
--The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg from Iron Maiden.



I am not one who believes much in such things as reincarnation. There are many reasons why, I suppose. Common sense seems to dictate.


If you were given a chance to go to a great reward, a “heaven” if you will; why come back to Earth as someone or something else?



I mean Paradise is Paradise.


If you were given a chance to redeem yourself through reincarnation, why not do something easy, like come back as a Saint, a nice person, or Mother Theresa or something like that?

Pets, however, are a totally different song and dance.

In another life, Guinness was a bit of a gullible person who mooched food and was very sensitive. I imagine him as a guy who was always bumming money from people or asking them if they were going to “finish that sandwich” or something like that. He would also give people hugs in life to obtain his wealth. Guinness would be a popular being--the life of a party and a lady's man.

Chumley, in another life, was a dog. I come home; he greets me at the door. He sits at my feet. He chases things. He growls if he doesn’t like something or someone. He wags his tale. He licks my legs and hands. He is 26 pounds. He is a dog disguised as a fat cat.

So I thought what type of people these two would be, and I bet I am close.

In his human form, Guinness would be a bit of a show-off and a bit of a glad-hand who would creatively try to do things in his job.

In his human form, Chumley is the big guy who shares a laugh, but is a dependable worker.

Guinness would be a finesse drinker. He would order fancy drinks and his beer selection would be more in line with a wit or Belgian Ale.

Chumley would be a more straight Porter or something plain—Old Style I bet.

Guinness would be a “new Bear” fan when the team is more speed and agility.

Chumley, old school Bears—hit people hard and watch them die.

Guinness would look for a clean bathroom in life.

Chumley would not care as long as he could pee.

Guinness would be a person not to make waves and accept things as they are.

Chumley would be a rebel and tell you how things are wrong.

Guinness would dress well, buy into the latest trends and be cultured.

Chumley’s clothes would never fit, he would buy what was cheap, and his idea of culture would include hidden rooms at the local video store for raw entertainment.

Guinness would participate in the sport of golf or maybe running.

Chumley would eat potato chips while watching sports on TV.

Guinness would have many friends and be a social butterfly.

Chumley would have a few close friends—enough to carry the coffin when he dies.

Guinness would enjoy a roasted duck with an orange sauce and some red potatoes and a glass of forty-something year-old wine.

Chumley would eat a big Mac, fries, and a coke.

Guinness, I imagine, would be a person who tries to be decent to everyone and not make waves.

Chumley would not care about people’s feelings and tell the truth.

Granted this is pure personification and animorphical thought, but both capture some elements of my personality.

Even though they are so different, both truly like each other and have become close.