The Political Shell Game: Hypocrites Unite!

“She moves like she don't care, Smooth as silk,
Cool as air,
Oooh it makes you wanna cry.
She doesn't know your name and your heart beats like a subway train.
Oooh it makes you wanna die.
Oooh don't you wanna take her? Wanna' make her all your own? Maria …You've gotta see her.
Go insane and out of your mind.
Latina…
Ave Maria.
A million and one candlelight’s.

I've seen this thing before,
In my best friends and the boy next door.
Fool for love and full of fire,
Won't come in from the rain…
She's oceans running down the drain…
Blue as ice and desire.
Don't you wanna make her?
Oooh don't you wanna take her home?
Maria…
You've gotta see her.
Go insane and out of your mind.
Latina,
Ave Maria…
A million and one candlelight’s”
--“Maria” by Blondie off of the No Exit album.

Liar Liar, pants on fire; or in the case of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, the fire is in the pants; so to speak.

I really am not as interested in if he had an affair with Maria from Argentina. What I like about the latest political scandal is that the Republicans were so quick to condemn Clinton, so quick to call themselves the party of family values, and so obnoxious to pry into the private lives of every Democrat out there. And when one of their own is caught, well, “we have to respect his/her privacy,” and “feel sorry for his/her family.”

The other thing that offends me is the romantic writing if the emails Sanford sent.

For example Sanford writes, “You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light…but hey, that would be going into sexual details.”

Lord, how sophomoric. Tan lines, curve of the hips, and I wonder what two parts of Maria are magnificent in her eroticism? Translation for those who are not catching it all, Mark Sanford likes Maria’s big boobs. And as for the “hey that would be going into sexual details” line, nice save, NOT! Can you imagine this buffoon, I openly admit that I like your boobs, but I do not want to talk sexually. What a dipstick.

Then this married guy who stands up for family values gets this reply from Maria: “You are my love ... something hard to believe even for myself as it's also a kind of impossible love, not only because of distance but situation. Sometimes you don't choose things, they just happen... I can't redirect my feelings and I am very happy with mine towards you.”

These sound like the lyrics for a bad pop song by the Bay City Rollers, or Elton John, or the Raspberries or some other schlock band of the mid-seventies. We “don’t choose things?” Well, wrong Maria and Governor Sanford, yes we do. You chose to be unfaithful. You chose to write drivel and dreck. You chose to check out each other’s “magnificent parts” each other’s bodies.

Now I am curious what she looks like, because the Media dragged out picture of Sanford’s wife, Jenny. She’s fairly attractive. I need to understand Mark Sanford’s position as I want to see the magnificent parts of Maria that she holds up erotically in the moonlight.

Now will Sanford do the responsible thing and step down? No, I suspect not.

The thing about this is that this “man” heck’s out Maria’s “magnificent body parts” on Father’s day. Hmmm, not the best candidate for Man of the Year, huh?

I know I am turning over a new leaf and trying not to judge others, but “Duh.” I feel, especially after reading these letters, that I have intercepted one of my freshman’s notebooks and the kids collects love notes. I can see it now, a Big Notebook with a heart on it and inside the heart it “Says Mark Loves Jenny” (and then it is scribbled out and in its place is) “Maria.”