Oh, The Creatures Are Stirring--Just Not The Right Ones

"I Don't Bother, Chasing Mice Around...oh no."

--Brian Setzer of the Stray Cats from Stray Cats Strut, 1981.

One would think with three cats, one of which is over 29 pounds, that Mice might stay away.

One just might think.

Friday, Guinness heard some noise, which I did as well. He sniffed by the stove and dishwasher. Then I figured it out--I had mice.

Damn, ever since Mark took me to Willard and Ben, I have a TRUE PHOBIA of rodents. I freaking hate them. They started the plague that wiped out Europe, they are associated with disease, they smell, they are creepy looking, and above all, they have these tiny hands that you know would tear you limb from limb. Yuck.

Anyway, again one would think Guinness or Chumley could snag the damn things; Foggy I excuse as she is old and missing a foot. But the other two, no excuses.

Anyway, on Saturday morning I called Orkin and they came out. "Yep," the Tech said, "you have a mouse or two. Its not bad, but you have them," as he notices the turds and urine and stuff I did not see. He has a cool flashlight which can see urine. That would be fun in a men's washroom, huh?

"Too bad none of your cats are 'mousers.' Some cats just aren't mousers."

I mean honestly, what is the point of the cat if they "aren't mousers?" I ask very little. I feed them well, I pet them, I clean up after them; now when I want work done (KEEP THE F#^&ING RODENTS OUT); these guys wuss out. I had a "mouser" years ago in my good friend Pepto: and she was a female. I have a joke about venomous females, but I will take the high road.

So the Tech laid some glue traps and bait traps and the like. He said my new guests were relatively resticted as to where they were staying (under the floorboard in the kitchen between the oven and dishwasher and the hole in the wood that comes up in the cupboard where the garbage is kept in the kitchen under the sink. Knowing I (like Guinness) put the word pussy in pussy cat, he offered to come back to empty the traps later--just not on Sunday.

This morning (Sunday) I came down to the kitchen to see the cupboard under the sink (where we found the mouse droppings) open and Guinness pawing at it. Obviously the trapmust have worked and now Guinness wants to "do" something about it or at least take credit for the vermin's capture.

Oh sure, now he wants credit. Guinness is a spaz. He freaks about everything and I now discover that trapping mice, catching mice, and scaring them out of my house is not on his agenda.

No thanks, Guinness the Bold as I have nicknamed him. $400.00 for a year's worth of service is not equal to your concern, NOW after the damn thing is trapped.

God I hate mice. My nerves are shot. I am glad to back to work tomorrow.

Next cat from the Humane Society I adopt better be a "MOUSER" or he/she will go back. Too late for Guinness, Chumley, and Fog. They must be "special cats" that are "slow learners." They need special attention.