"I'm OK; You're OK; We're All OK!"
“All dressed up,
No place to go.
Hey monkey, when you gonna show your face around me?
I know all the wrongs and rights...
And I just want a little light to fall on me.
Hey monkey, where you been?
This lonely spiral I've been in...
Hey monkey, when can we begin?
Hey monkey, where you been?
We'll I'm all messed up...
That's nothing new.
Hey monkey, when you open up your blue eyes,
I don't know if I'm wide awake or dreaming,
But all I ever need is everything .
Hey monkey, where you been?
This lonely spiral I've been in...
Hey monkey, when can we begin?
Hey monkey, where you been?”
--Adam Duritz of The Counting Crows from “Monkey” from the LP Recovering the Satellites, 1996.
People are worried about me; which I appreciate—but honestly I am fine.
I guess I was a bit bewildered as I told some folks at work of my personal “situation"—perhaps support—perhaps explanation—perhaps perplextion—yeah, I know; not a word.
As someone said to me recently, “So are you working on no more ‘dark’ Eric?” We laughed a bit and I appreciated the sentiment. Yes, no more “dark” Eric.
On the other side of the aisle, someone allegedly told the students—when this person heard through a rumor mill that I was going through the separation—that no one could blame Pamela and that I was a jerk. I do not mind if someone dislikes me, hates my guts, or whatever—but I would rather have a fight on a one-on-one and one-to-one basis; not through innuendo and shared students. Besides, neither Pam nor me want animosity for each other or for ourselves.
Actually, from this person, I might expected it—and I will say nothing to this person, of course, because the comments came from the kids—and we know how kids can be—so I am not sure it was even said; much less said accurately. And no, the kids did not tell me as much as I overheard a conversation.
Gosh, it all sounds so "high school," but in any work situation, the rumour bandwagon plays loudly and often upon the deaf ears of logic.
So I take the worried looks, the commentaries, the insults (if they truly exist), and the thoughts of concern; and I appreciate them all—as I note quite truly, I am fine. I am OK!
The cats help me out as I honestly believe they may have noticed the change.
Guinness quits wandering around looking for someone else to come home, Chumley would not be bright enough to notice—he wants his food, and Fog…well…"Fog is Fog" and she is growing older. She pretty much hangs out in bed most of the day and enjoys her “mature” years in the lavish-style of the plush cushions of the pillows. She is fine, of course.
I chose the Counting Crows lyrics because if I substitute the word “Monkey” with “Chumley,” it somehow makes more sense to me at this time in my life. Chum takes me as I am and wants little explanation or remorse—he lives in the moment—and honestly I admire his convictions and solitude.
So I am well, Pamela is as well. Guinness is adjusting, Foggy is accepting, Dylan is saddened to a degree but he will soon have a new playmate according to Pam, and Chumley is perhaps the most benign.
“Hey Chumley, where you been?”
No place to go.
Hey monkey, when you gonna show your face around me?
I know all the wrongs and rights...
And I just want a little light to fall on me.
Hey monkey, where you been?
This lonely spiral I've been in...
Hey monkey, when can we begin?
Hey monkey, where you been?
We'll I'm all messed up...
That's nothing new.
Hey monkey, when you open up your blue eyes,
I don't know if I'm wide awake or dreaming,
But all I ever need is everything .
Hey monkey, where you been?
This lonely spiral I've been in...
Hey monkey, when can we begin?
Hey monkey, where you been?”
--Adam Duritz of The Counting Crows from “Monkey” from the LP Recovering the Satellites, 1996.
People are worried about me; which I appreciate—but honestly I am fine.
I guess I was a bit bewildered as I told some folks at work of my personal “situation"—perhaps support—perhaps explanation—perhaps perplextion—yeah, I know; not a word.
As someone said to me recently, “So are you working on no more ‘dark’ Eric?” We laughed a bit and I appreciated the sentiment. Yes, no more “dark” Eric.
On the other side of the aisle, someone allegedly told the students—when this person heard through a rumor mill that I was going through the separation—that no one could blame Pamela and that I was a jerk. I do not mind if someone dislikes me, hates my guts, or whatever—but I would rather have a fight on a one-on-one and one-to-one basis; not through innuendo and shared students. Besides, neither Pam nor me want animosity for each other or for ourselves.
Actually, from this person, I might expected it—and I will say nothing to this person, of course, because the comments came from the kids—and we know how kids can be—so I am not sure it was even said; much less said accurately. And no, the kids did not tell me as much as I overheard a conversation.
Gosh, it all sounds so "high school," but in any work situation, the rumour bandwagon plays loudly and often upon the deaf ears of logic.
So I take the worried looks, the commentaries, the insults (if they truly exist), and the thoughts of concern; and I appreciate them all—as I note quite truly, I am fine. I am OK!
The cats help me out as I honestly believe they may have noticed the change.
Guinness quits wandering around looking for someone else to come home, Chumley would not be bright enough to notice—he wants his food, and Fog…well…"Fog is Fog" and she is growing older. She pretty much hangs out in bed most of the day and enjoys her “mature” years in the lavish-style of the plush cushions of the pillows. She is fine, of course.
I chose the Counting Crows lyrics because if I substitute the word “Monkey” with “Chumley,” it somehow makes more sense to me at this time in my life. Chum takes me as I am and wants little explanation or remorse—he lives in the moment—and honestly I admire his convictions and solitude.
So I am well, Pamela is as well. Guinness is adjusting, Foggy is accepting, Dylan is saddened to a degree but he will soon have a new playmate according to Pam, and Chumley is perhaps the most benign.
“Hey Chumley, where you been?”
posted by Eric Sweetwood at 6:15 PM
2 Comments:
Maybe it's just me, but I never saw a "dark" Eric- You were always cheerful and upbeat around me, but a little saddened. It's almost now as if a weight has been lifted from you. I'm sure deep down people are jealous that you and Pam could do this with such ease.... And for those of us who love ya to death- that's the best part about it ;-) Hang in there and keep doing "ok" :)
Thanks, Jess. Nothing is easy--it is more a thing of mutual respect and love. That is how it goes, we care for and about each other. We continue to support and do "OK." Oh, and Pam introduced me to her new cat friend and roommate, (The Duke of) Earl--who is more than likely the most friendly damned cat anyone has ever seen. Dylan is not thrilled--not at all, but he will adjust.
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