Happy Holidays: Dylan Explains "How to Be a GUY!"

"No, don't ask me to apologise.
I won't ask you to forgive me.
If I'm gonna go down,
you're gonna come with me

You say 'Why don't you be a man about it,
like they do in the grown-up movies?
'But when it comes to the other way around,
you say you just wanna use me."

--Elvis Costello from "Hand In Hand" from This Year's Model, 1979.

Dylan has it right in the picture. All he needs is a beer and a remote as he relaxes and watches football.

Rather than sending fake holiday greeting cards, Dylan and I are giving you our Christmas Present--Ten Steps in "How To Be A Guy." Dylan is also showing in this image his and my idea of how to be a "guy." So here are our helpful hints.

1. Like Dylan--Scratch yourself where you want, when you want. Nothing wrong with it--if it itches, take care of it.

2. Like Dylan, voice your opinion. If Dylan does not like something, he lets us know.

3. As shown above, Dylan says to "relax in life." Life is too short to be too busy.

4. Watch FOOTBALL. This shot was taken while I was watching football (OK, it wasn't but so what--you would not have known). When I am at home on football games, Dylan is in the room with me. Dylan's favorite teams are The Bears, the Lions, The Jaguars, and The Panthers. He hates The Vikings, The Fudge-Packers, The Cardinals, The Eagles and the Seahawks (and any other "Bird" team I neglected to list).

5. Like Dylan--Sleep when you wish. Who cares if anyone is in the room or whatever--when you need a nap, take it.

6. Dylan will tell you "Guinness is good." Dylan's best friend (other than Pam) is Guinness. Guinness (one of our other cats or the beverage) is Good For You! Enjoy it.

7. Fight for what is yours. Dylan will fight for his space or if anyone annoys him--like Foggy. In that, Dylan would rather voice his opinion to scare off the intruders, so he tries to give a warning first. Then when it is on, it is on.

8. Have a favorite spot in life. Dylan's is the Wingback chair--which is also mine so we have fights and since I am bigger, I win. Still, I admire him.

9. Eat often and eat what you want. Dylan is a bit of a pig and will eat quite a bit. He enjoys a hearty meal. He eats all hours--Guys do this according to Dylan.

10. Play loud music. Dylan is a fan of most Heavy Metal, and he does not care if his hearing goes bad. Ok, that part is pushing the limits of truth, but he could be, right? He also likes Punk like The Ramones and Green Day. Uh...for the record..Dylan hates John Mellencamp, The Yardbirds (for "bird reasons") and all Country Music other than Johnny Cash. He is also not a fan of Jazz.

So there you have it: Dylan's Ten Step Guide To Being A Guy. We will skip his idea of making Pam cater to his needs or making her wait on him hand and foot--he refuses to tell me how he does it.

Happy Holidays from Dylan and all of us.