'Tis The Season...

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells;
Robin laid an egg.
Batmobile lost its wheel
and the Joker got away..."
by Some annoying kid somewhere, "Jingle Bats."

Here is my annual Christmas Gift List. Now I cannot really afford to send these out, but if I could; you can bet I would. I have many pent up aggressions here, so have fun.

For My Wife—My devotion and the new White Stripes CD (let’s see if she really reads this blog!!!!)

For Family and Friends, Coworkers and Neighbors—Peace and Love

For my cats—The house redecorating to be completed.

For Batman: An evening with Catwoman—complete with Cat-O-Nine-Tails and a Bat-pole.

For Superman—a Lump of Kryptonite in his stocking (Batman is so much better)

For DC Comics fans: a resolve with the Infinite Crisis that makes sense and better stories for Batman, Flash, and Superman--noting JSA, JLA, Hawkman, and Green Arrow have been great--oh and while I am at it--kill Hal Jordan again--how dull is Green Lantern now you Jordan fan boys!

For Spider-man: a new life as a truly "spider-man."

For the X-Men and fans of the series: A great new movie and some sense to the book.

For the Other Marvel books: a better life for Thor, cancellation of Hulk, a writer for Iron-Man, and the begging of Bendis to continue as the writer for Daredevil.

For Chicago Bears: an offense and the PLAYOFFS!

For The Chicago Cubs—Beating the Cardinals in the playoffs followed by beating the White Sux in the World Series. Hey I can dream, right?

For the Apprentice Shows—Cancellations

For the Illinois Government—lots of money to pay those bills of BS that the politicians waste for no decent reason and still have the balls to ignore education.

For Green Day—More accolades on creating the best Punk Album in 15 years.

For my loyal eBayer buyers—more great deals—buy buy BUY! No seriously, BUY this stuff…

For President Bush: a copy of the song and the lyrics to Elvis Costello’s (What's So Funny About) “Peace, Love, and Understanding.”

For Vice President Cheney: A copy of the song and lyrics of Elvis Costello’s (What's So Funny About) “Peace, Love, and Understanding” so he can answer all the questions that the President will have.

For my waistline: More Weight Watchers.

For my Cable Company: Dish Network for everybody!!!!

For the Rolling Stones: Geritol and a FINAL GREAT BLUES ALBUM (and then--with all due respect, a long RETIREMENT!)

For The Surviving Beatles: Long life and the 53 million dollars you are asking for (not that anyone needs that much money, but if anyone does, the Beatles do). Oh and a trip to the insane asylum for the rest of her life for Yoko Ono.

For Clash fans: a long lost album hidden away in the CBS vaults that highlight the greatness of Joe Strummer.

For Ramones fans: a box set that DOES NOT rehash every other thing they have done and offers something new (let's face it, they played over 1200 shows--there has to be a stereo show out there somewhere that is different).

For the members of THE JAM: Kiss and makeup already and put out a new album (hint to Paul Weller: your solo stuff sucks!!!!)

For my fellow Jethro Tull fans (who I hold especially near and dear to my heart: a new album that rocks and only has a few acoustic compositions.

For Kinks fans: a speedy recovery for Dave Davies and a new album that gives a "nod to mod."

For The Who fans: Roger and Pete finally complete the decade-long album and the additional wish that it does not contain "A Friend is a Friend" type of God-awful compositions.

For Led Zeppelin fans: John Paul Jones "gets over" his disdain for the others and plays with them for one last show with Bonzo's son.

For Pink Floyd fans: a pay-per-view of Richard Wright beating the living hell out of that jackass Roger Watters. Let Nick Mason and Dave Gilmore "officiate" and they can kick the crap out of Watters, as well (uh no bias on THIS blog site).

For Yardbird fans: another "lost" concert found--the last year version was great.

For Traveling Wilburys fans: Petty, Lynne, and Dylan join up with Kelter and give a tribute to their lost friends in Harrison and Orbison. They can ask Dave Edmunds and Ray Davies or Brian Setzer or Pete Townshend or Elvis Costello to sit in.

For XTC fans: A new album--it has been way too long.

For Cure fans: a new "dark" album.

For Dave Edmunds fans: any sort of material at all.

For Nick Lowe fans: a new album that does not make Nick sound like he’s on downers.

For Rush fans: a new album that is NOT live.

For Blue Oyster Cult fans: another great album that hearkens back to the past in their 1970s heydays.

For The Oil Companies: A new type of energy resource--then we can stick it to you for once.

For the Pets at all local Animal Shelters: A spay or neuter treatment and a good home.

For Rudolph: Less red nosing it so he can have a year off.

For Santa: Less cookies (what are we trying to do, kill that fat bastard?)
For TBS viewers everywhere: less “Wonderful Lives” and less “Christmas Stories.”

For Beer fans: more Schlafley Winter ESB and the new Bell's Wheat ales--those are incredible.

And for all of you: “A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night” or if you are an employee of politically correct places, “A Happy Holiday (which includes Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukah, and non-denominational festive celebrations) to every living creature and the sky and the earth and to every living creature and the sky and the earth a pleasant evening, later afternoon, and time period from dusk to dawn.”