Saturday, November 12, 2005

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

“I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun

I think I'm dumb or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy

My heart is broke
But I have some glue help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And I have a hangover...
Have a hangover

Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun”

“Dumb” by Kurt Cobain of Nirvana

Never underestimate the power of stupidity.

In recent news, I have witnessed many stupid things. I promise not to mention the current executive branch of the government to often—but the inevitable will occur. Anyway, here are some of my favorite banal acts of the most recent time. My apologies if I have offended you, but it is not my goal to turn you off or away. Enjoy and realize the humor, the pathos, and the illogical logic that is swelling from these words.

Here are my favorites acts of stupidity—add yours if you so desire.

T.O. Stands for Totally Obnoxious.
What a moron this idiot is. He fights with teammates, threatens others, goes on the radio and complains that he thinks a better quarterback is on another team, whines because the team does not stop a game to honor a catch, and wants us to believe he is unselfish. Hey Owens—here is a clue—quit. We hate you, we think you are a jackass, and we wish you would break both of your legs—only after you bite off your tongue.

Pat Robertson—We Are All Going To Burn in Hell
Here we go—let’s mix politics and religion—I mean that’s what the founding fathers wanted, right? This stupid little man (assumingly possessing a very small penis) has condemned a town to Plagues and Chaos and Toads and Hellfire because they reject preaching the bible in schools. The only plague that would befall that town is if this dipstick walked into it.

Bill Clinton—Thinking With His “Little Voice”
OK, I admit, I like Clinton much more now than I ever have—especially dealing with who is in office now (Bombs away, we’re OK). Still, to say that Clinton’s impeachment was not necessary is a stretch. Sorry, perjury is a crime and if I can paint a black ring around the current President’s eyes (and I WILL), I have to say to Mr. Clinton—you lied under oath and wasted over six million dollars to cover it up. Sorry, Mr. Former President, but you were wrong and you need to let it go. Speaking of lying...WMD’s anyone??? Watch the film Fog of War and witness a very frightening truth.

Bird Flu Paranoia—Regular Flu No Vaccine
There are no cases of Bird Flu in the country, and I am not suggesting that we do not prepare, but massive paranoia is not helping either. Further, for the FOURTH YEAR IN A ROW, we are seriously lacking vaccinations that can protect the citizens from flu’s we currently have infecting the population. Now that is totally and utterly irresponsible.

Gas Gouging—Fuel Costs.
I cannot think of a greater waste of my money than Gas Prices going up. I like it when the President flies around the country and pays nothing for it, and then has the nerve to tell me not to fill up completely. Uh-huh. Maybe if you would release some oil or maybe if you would cancel some Kittibunkport Retreats for Mummy and Pater who made a fortune on oil, I would take you seriously. Let’s give our citizens a fair share, please.

Preoccupation with People Like Jennifer Aniston and Paris Hilton
Granted Aniston is totally hot, but enough is enough. I do not care who she dates, I do not care what is involved in her personal life, and I do not care if her and Brad Pitt hate each other. Paris Hilton, I could not care any less than I do now. So let’s ignore their personal lives and get on to something really important: like a website that has nudies of them. Please leave all addresses in the comment areas so we can all share…

Howard Stern Suspended For Mentioning Sirrus Radio
Hello people. Giving this guy ANY attention is like free advertising. Sheesh—the Media Com (or whatever company owns his current show) must have holes in their heads for what they have done—suspend him for talking about his new job which makes more news and reminds people he is leaving than if you said nothing??? Wow—no wonder Stern thinks everyone is an idiot—in his case, these people are.

The Apprentice—The World’s Dumbest People
Have you watched this show this season? Pam and I do and I am totally convinced that Donald Trump picks the most foolish people in the world to be on the show so he looks more intelligent. They had this doofus named Marcus on the show who could not finish a sentence. He has the business savvy of a blind squirrel. He hopped around and missed everything. They also had this cute woman named Kristi on the show who was a raving loon. Cute but stupid and had this “I’m a southern girl” attitude, accent, and stereotype.

Mike Tice—The Titanic Is Leaving And You Are On Board…
Talk about not controlling your team. Mike Tice has as much control over the Minnesota Vikings as Charlie Manson has in a knife shop. He is not going to coach again, ever. His team is full of losers, they break laws, they are renting boats for orgies, he gave away his best player for nothing, and he SOLD HIS SUPER BOWL TICKETS for a profit. Bye Bye, Tice—you deserve to go down with the ViQueen ship.

Cartoon Network Executives—Where is JLA Unlimited???
The best cartoon made, more than likely, and you decide not to air the reruns until you have new shows??? DC is going through a huge change right now and interest in the characters is being generated. Now do the right thing and put back my JLA!!!!!

Martha Stewart—Apprentice Volume II—It’s a Clinker From the Clink
This show is equally as insipid as Trump’s show. Martha rips someone to shreds in the board room, sends these two people to spy on them, makes them feel like dirt, and then writes them a corny “condolence” letter. Hey people kicked off the show—sell the letter on eBay and make some real money. My favorite is when she tells people they do not have the “integrity” to work for her organization!!! Is she kidding? Let’s get the “insider” information on that one.

XMRadio and Sirrus HYPE
I had Satellite stereo stations years ago through the cable company—I admit they are cool, but you will not listen to them as much as you think you might. Whereas it would be great to have it in the car, here is a cheaper way to enjoy it. Buy the second tier of Dish Network (or any Satellite Dish Network—I believe) and hook the sound through your stereo. You will have the Sirrus and a network called CD network for no additional costs. If you use AOL, you have XMRadio streamlined for free. Again, I accept the fact that this would be great in a car, but I own so many CD’s, I think I can safely say that Pam would kill me if I did not play them in the car. No Satellite for me, I guess.

And lastly—Catholics Ban The Use of Wal-Mart
Unreal, “Happy holidays” and an informal email has sent the Catholic Church in an uproar about Wal-Mart. Don’t we have better things to do besides ban Wal-Mart? On the other hand, I urge my Catholic family and all my friends, Catholic or not, to join this ban at Wal-Mart. You see, I want SUPERIOR QUALITY Christmas gifts—not mid-range items. Not that I do not appreciate your gifts from the past, but hey--follow the Papal Dynasty on this one--I'm all for it. Go all out—I need a new computer, new Stereo equipment, a new house in a posh neighborhood, a new Lexus Car would be nice, and some real estate. I agree—NO TO WAL-MART, Yes to spending all of your cash on me! Remember, do what the Catholic Church says--oh and pray for my soul....

Blog on and reply if you are so inclined…

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