Here, There, and Everywhere--for Evermore!
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh-oh I believe in Yesterday."
--Paul McCartney
The latest issue of NME (New Music Express) Special edition is on the Solo Beatles—so I thought I would do my interpretation of what the FAB FOUR really wanted to say to us, the adorning public.
Ringo: “Yeah, I get some slack being the least talented Beatle, but I really feel great about it. I mean, the complete freaks fans have fed my ego and bank account for years. C’Mon—show of hands, how many of you own Photograph, Stop and Smell the Roses, Retrograve, and Vienna? I thought so—almost all of you. Now how many have played any of these albums more than once? Uh-huh—none of you. Here’s the kicker, how many played it once at all? I did not think so. I cannot blame you, this was a fantastic band and I “got by with a hellava lot help with my friends." Thanks for the cash, folks and for all of you bitter people who think I have not accomplished much—remember, I go to bed with Barbara Bach every night. Did you see The Spy Who Loved Me—yeah, Bond can play with his guns, but guess where I holster mine every night. Eat your heart out—an ugly mug like me can have this babe and you cannot. Now who’s the Caveman, huh?
Rock on, love Liverpool, stay off drugs, and all that jazz.
George: Yes, it is true, I had more talent than the rest at solo singles, but that’s because the others were so busy trying to compete—well not Ringo, but how obviously bad is he? I still created the best post-Beatle album in All Things Must Pass, but remember, I also appeared in the best Pos-Beatle band—The Traveling Wilburys. Now granted Gone Troppo and Somewhere in England are wretched, you have to admit, the first time you heard You, What Is Life, Bangladesh, This Song, Dear One, All Those years Ago, Poor Little Girl, and When We Was Fab, you really were surprised. I never should have made albums, but what can you do—the public demanded it.
I am often asked the question if I was ever pissed at Clapton for the whole Patty thing—nah. I was really on some bad acid when we met—let Eric have her. I was a Beatle—I could have anyone. Makes me wonder why John and Paul chose their women, but what the hey. I was honest with the Post-Beatle thing.
Oh yeah, and I admit one career error besides playing a ukulele, and that was letting Dylan sing on Wilbury cuts. My mistake and all, but, I mean, it was Bob Dylan—if I let Roy sing more, Dylan threatened to walk. Oh and I forgot—forgive me for letting Jeff Lynne produce the last few albums—I agree with you all that ELO inspired echoes makes us all cringe.
John: OK, everyone—off my back. Yoko and I were the real deal—that’s what drugs do to you. Like Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds wasn’t about LSD—you people will believe anything. I had some bad career moves, I admit it. I mean have you played Manlove Avenue—no, huh? Me either. I was in a bad place, ok? And for all you critics out there—take my cuts on Double Fantasy and Milk and Honey and you have a good album. You can delete the other, well, ONO-ie stuff. I do like her “scream version” of Revolution, though. I would tell you about how we recorded that one, but that would take time. Just look at the cover of two virgins—uh—if you can—and the story of the “primal scream” will make sense.
By the way, Mike Douglass and Dick Cavett rock! Love those sets—you know I had a room designed like that. See, drugs will do that to you.
Sorry to be such a jerk about saying the Beatles were nothing—I was really ticked off at Paul—I mean, you cannot imagine how many sickeningly sweet songs I had to sit through. You try it and you tell me that you aren’t ready to end the group.
Oh and before I forget, that crap about Elvis sending us a note on Ed Sullivan—yeah—you slime. You just HAD to get your name in the press, didn’t you? That’s why Ringo imitated you, jerk-boy. Why don’t you marry some child bride and have her wear weird wigs or something, huh?
Anyway--speaking of "Elvis", I am so glad to never record with McCartney again and to Elvis Costello, nice try—notice you only did an album worth of stuff didn’t you. Does he still pick his nose? Yeah I thought so.
Paul—quit dying the hair and enough with Yesterday and Hey Jude. MOVE ON, oh wait—it must be hard for you to do so—I have heard Press to Play and Pipes of Peace. I will not tell people that when you use alliteration in your titles, that is a clue that your albums stink—Wings at The SPEED OF SOUND, Red-Rose Speedway. I mean, Come on Paul, at least try on something other than the singles.
Paul: Call me nutty, but someone tell me who single-handedly saved the legacy of the Beatles—that’s right, ME. Now I did so for some very good money and I hate that Eric Idle figured it out with “All You Need Is Cash,” but hey, give me my moments.
I have been cute and cuddly since 1962—that is not an easy feat to pull off 40 plus years later. Ok, I admit, some bad albums, but what do you expect—you sustain “cuddly” for forty-five minutes and keep your respect—it’s not so easy. It’s almost as difficult as playing every drum track on every Beatles album—which I did. You see, “Paul” was never dead—just Ringo’s career. Nice “All-Star” Band, pal. Notice how you only perform one song and then “share the spotlight,” with the others. Hmm…must be a bear to be so limited.
And it’s not like I did not try to get you to join me, all of you fans. When Punk was popular, I got busted for drugs to appeal to the youth—you know, to this day, I never thought anyone in Japan would notice. Lord knows what’s in their food, right? I thought I could claim some “exotic” European herb.
And I am sick of the criticism from some of you. When I do a lousy album like Back to the Egg or Speed of Sound, you want more “Beatles” stuff; and when I do Goodbye To BroadStreet, you complain that I sang Beatle songs. I mean, decide, would you?
My goal is of course to be the driving focus of sapping every single penny out of Capitol and EMI for some well deserved money because “All You Need Is Love” is only true when you do not have to feed your self or worry about car payments. And I am sick of you kids today claiming I am not hip. I want you to know that I have personally jumped on EVERY SINGLE BANDWAGON I could—Kampuchea, Live Aid, G8—now be cool. I left Woodstock alone, but I thought it was some Charles Schultz reunion—my mistake. And look what happened, those darn kids tore up the joint.
And for those who do not think I am tough, whose song was considered “A secret message” to Charles Manson—yep, that was me so be nice or I will Helter Skelter you.
Now in my older years, I have three goalsor legacies. One, to recreate an album that is decent—I think my last “decent one” was Flowers In The Dirt and that was 15 years ago. My second goal is to make more live albums than the Grateful Dead, and my third is to have more “greatest hits” packages than The Who. You MUST own every version of “Yesterday” ever uttered by me. Remember in 1979 when I said I would “never perform ‘Yesterday’ again?” Hah Hah—SUCKERS! I am convince I could write a song on any tune and you would buy it—remember the “doorbell” song. Heh heh heh heh.
Anyways, thanks for the cash and remember it was Pete Townshend that said “Hope I die before I get old,” not me. And if that hypocrite can still perform live, Hell, I can too. Stop by my offices some day for a photo op—it will only cost you two grand and I want to dispel the myth that I have more money than 1/3 of the countries in the world—it’s ¼ of the countries in the world—get it right.
Oh and about John--this is for Yoko--John and I never had a feud, ever. It was all to make money. Why do you think we always planned when we would release an album? C’mon All You PEOPLE—use your wits, Ta Ta!
One last thing—thinks for buying the Anthology sets—you fan boys. Like all that hasn’t been released a billion times over on “imports.” Honestly, what you people will buy. Barnum was right, there is one born every minute.
Yep, that is what they really would say if they really could—but some people just don’t like the honesty. Long Live the Beatles Legacy.
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh-oh I believe in Yesterday."
--Paul McCartney
The latest issue of NME (New Music Express) Special edition is on the Solo Beatles—so I thought I would do my interpretation of what the FAB FOUR really wanted to say to us, the adorning public.
Ringo: “Yeah, I get some slack being the least talented Beatle, but I really feel great about it. I mean, the complete freaks fans have fed my ego and bank account for years. C’Mon—show of hands, how many of you own Photograph, Stop and Smell the Roses, Retrograve, and Vienna? I thought so—almost all of you. Now how many have played any of these albums more than once? Uh-huh—none of you. Here’s the kicker, how many played it once at all? I did not think so. I cannot blame you, this was a fantastic band and I “got by with a hellava lot help with my friends." Thanks for the cash, folks and for all of you bitter people who think I have not accomplished much—remember, I go to bed with Barbara Bach every night. Did you see The Spy Who Loved Me—yeah, Bond can play with his guns, but guess where I holster mine every night. Eat your heart out—an ugly mug like me can have this babe and you cannot. Now who’s the Caveman, huh?
Rock on, love Liverpool, stay off drugs, and all that jazz.
George: Yes, it is true, I had more talent than the rest at solo singles, but that’s because the others were so busy trying to compete—well not Ringo, but how obviously bad is he? I still created the best post-Beatle album in All Things Must Pass, but remember, I also appeared in the best Pos-Beatle band—The Traveling Wilburys. Now granted Gone Troppo and Somewhere in England are wretched, you have to admit, the first time you heard You, What Is Life, Bangladesh, This Song, Dear One, All Those years Ago, Poor Little Girl, and When We Was Fab, you really were surprised. I never should have made albums, but what can you do—the public demanded it.
I am often asked the question if I was ever pissed at Clapton for the whole Patty thing—nah. I was really on some bad acid when we met—let Eric have her. I was a Beatle—I could have anyone. Makes me wonder why John and Paul chose their women, but what the hey. I was honest with the Post-Beatle thing.
Oh yeah, and I admit one career error besides playing a ukulele, and that was letting Dylan sing on Wilbury cuts. My mistake and all, but, I mean, it was Bob Dylan—if I let Roy sing more, Dylan threatened to walk. Oh and I forgot—forgive me for letting Jeff Lynne produce the last few albums—I agree with you all that ELO inspired echoes makes us all cringe.
John: OK, everyone—off my back. Yoko and I were the real deal—that’s what drugs do to you. Like Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds wasn’t about LSD—you people will believe anything. I had some bad career moves, I admit it. I mean have you played Manlove Avenue—no, huh? Me either. I was in a bad place, ok? And for all you critics out there—take my cuts on Double Fantasy and Milk and Honey and you have a good album. You can delete the other, well, ONO-ie stuff. I do like her “scream version” of Revolution, though. I would tell you about how we recorded that one, but that would take time. Just look at the cover of two virgins—uh—if you can—and the story of the “primal scream” will make sense.
By the way, Mike Douglass and Dick Cavett rock! Love those sets—you know I had a room designed like that. See, drugs will do that to you.
Sorry to be such a jerk about saying the Beatles were nothing—I was really ticked off at Paul—I mean, you cannot imagine how many sickeningly sweet songs I had to sit through. You try it and you tell me that you aren’t ready to end the group.
Oh and before I forget, that crap about Elvis sending us a note on Ed Sullivan—yeah—you slime. You just HAD to get your name in the press, didn’t you? That’s why Ringo imitated you, jerk-boy. Why don’t you marry some child bride and have her wear weird wigs or something, huh?
Anyway--speaking of "Elvis", I am so glad to never record with McCartney again and to Elvis Costello, nice try—notice you only did an album worth of stuff didn’t you. Does he still pick his nose? Yeah I thought so.
Paul—quit dying the hair and enough with Yesterday and Hey Jude. MOVE ON, oh wait—it must be hard for you to do so—I have heard Press to Play and Pipes of Peace. I will not tell people that when you use alliteration in your titles, that is a clue that your albums stink—Wings at The SPEED OF SOUND, Red-Rose Speedway. I mean, Come on Paul, at least try on something other than the singles.
Paul: Call me nutty, but someone tell me who single-handedly saved the legacy of the Beatles—that’s right, ME. Now I did so for some very good money and I hate that Eric Idle figured it out with “All You Need Is Cash,” but hey, give me my moments.
I have been cute and cuddly since 1962—that is not an easy feat to pull off 40 plus years later. Ok, I admit, some bad albums, but what do you expect—you sustain “cuddly” for forty-five minutes and keep your respect—it’s not so easy. It’s almost as difficult as playing every drum track on every Beatles album—which I did. You see, “Paul” was never dead—just Ringo’s career. Nice “All-Star” Band, pal. Notice how you only perform one song and then “share the spotlight,” with the others. Hmm…must be a bear to be so limited.
And it’s not like I did not try to get you to join me, all of you fans. When Punk was popular, I got busted for drugs to appeal to the youth—you know, to this day, I never thought anyone in Japan would notice. Lord knows what’s in their food, right? I thought I could claim some “exotic” European herb.
And I am sick of the criticism from some of you. When I do a lousy album like Back to the Egg or Speed of Sound, you want more “Beatles” stuff; and when I do Goodbye To BroadStreet, you complain that I sang Beatle songs. I mean, decide, would you?
My goal is of course to be the driving focus of sapping every single penny out of Capitol and EMI for some well deserved money because “All You Need Is Love” is only true when you do not have to feed your self or worry about car payments. And I am sick of you kids today claiming I am not hip. I want you to know that I have personally jumped on EVERY SINGLE BANDWAGON I could—Kampuchea, Live Aid, G8—now be cool. I left Woodstock alone, but I thought it was some Charles Schultz reunion—my mistake. And look what happened, those darn kids tore up the joint.
And for those who do not think I am tough, whose song was considered “A secret message” to Charles Manson—yep, that was me so be nice or I will Helter Skelter you.
Now in my older years, I have three goalsor legacies. One, to recreate an album that is decent—I think my last “decent one” was Flowers In The Dirt and that was 15 years ago. My second goal is to make more live albums than the Grateful Dead, and my third is to have more “greatest hits” packages than The Who. You MUST own every version of “Yesterday” ever uttered by me. Remember in 1979 when I said I would “never perform ‘Yesterday’ again?” Hah Hah—SUCKERS! I am convince I could write a song on any tune and you would buy it—remember the “doorbell” song. Heh heh heh heh.
Anyways, thanks for the cash and remember it was Pete Townshend that said “Hope I die before I get old,” not me. And if that hypocrite can still perform live, Hell, I can too. Stop by my offices some day for a photo op—it will only cost you two grand and I want to dispel the myth that I have more money than 1/3 of the countries in the world—it’s ¼ of the countries in the world—get it right.
Oh and about John--this is for Yoko--John and I never had a feud, ever. It was all to make money. Why do you think we always planned when we would release an album? C’mon All You PEOPLE—use your wits, Ta Ta!
One last thing—thinks for buying the Anthology sets—you fan boys. Like all that hasn’t been released a billion times over on “imports.” Honestly, what you people will buy. Barnum was right, there is one born every minute.
Yep, that is what they really would say if they really could—but some people just don’t like the honesty. Long Live the Beatles Legacy.
posted by Eric Sweetwood at 10:10 PM
1 Comments:
What about the Beatle girls? Don't they get a say in the solo years?
Barbara Bach-Starkey: Ringo and I had so much in common, then we stopped drinking. And now we have even more in common! I mean really, honestly - he's is an important part of history as a drummer. And I am an important part of history as the hottest Bond girl. And would Ringo really have got me if he hadn't been a Beatle?! (Don't tell him, but probably not... Mick had Jerry Hall when I met Ringo, so he won out.)
Linda McCartney: Now I sing with the angels - they haven't been showing up as much since I joined the choir though...
Yoko Ono: John and I were so in love and send that love back to the city of New York because it love us so much too. How could you not love the man who write every song ever? He write all Beatle songs and that Paul just ride on his coat tails. John play every instrument, the others just for show. He only want peace for the world and his spirit live on in all music, because all music is his.
See Lennon on Broadway this Fall!!
Pattie Boyd: Imagine the pressure of being so beautiful that you have four of the greatest love songs ever written about you! And to have two of the greatest guitarists ever knocking down your door! Then one day you stop taking the drugs and realize how beautiful you are and those two were not as cute as they were while you were high. But my beauty will live on forever, for I am Layla.
Yoko: John write "Layla" and "Something" - just ask Sinatra, he know. And both songs about the love John have for me...
Heather Mills-McCartney: Paul was a what now? Oh yeah, a Beatle. Yeah, my favorite Beatles song is "Imagine" - I mean just Imagine a world without landmines.
Yoko: You silly, one-legged freak, JOHN WRITE THAT SONG! JOHN WRITE ALL SONGS!
Heather: Oh, gosh, so sorry, I messed that up again, didn't I? Paul gets so mad when I forget... You'd think I'd know since we make all that money from those songs... Our daughter will grow up knowing that her father provided for her as best he could. And when Paul is gone I will see that all of his money goes to Landmine Awareness programs and bring an end to police officers riding motorcycles in London. Those things are dangerous!
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